A ROYAL STATEMENT OF CONDOLENCE

Today, we, the royal family, are saddened to announce the passing of our beloved national symbol, Sergei the hermit crab. Sergei was beloved in our country and abroad as a symbol of hope, peace, and prosperity. He demonstrated the courage to represent his fellow hermit crabs on the diplomatic stage and was entrusted by his country with the duty of rallying the nation in times of crisis. He was pronounced dead shortly after noon today. It is believed he died of natural causes, but an autopsy will be preformed in the coming days. Sergei will be missed by all the peoples of this land. We express our most deepest condolences and declare a week of national mourning. A state funeral will honour his most illustrious life next Monday.